Quirky Quip Lover Pillows

'Any chance of a drink while she's sorting out the taxi fare?'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Astral Projection

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Fresh pepper?"

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

He wanted a different one.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."