Quippy Quipsters Pillows

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

'My dentist recommended it.'

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

Official Seal

The Quantum Mechanic...

'What I meant by 'quark' in 'Finnegans Wake' was a hypothetical particle with a fractional electric charge.

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

Death Watch

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

"Schrödinger's other cat"

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

Physicists' Convention: Quantum Leap.

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

Inside the Large Hadron Collider

Heisenberg Witness Protection Program

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'