Witty Quipster Prints

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Official Seal

Man Eater

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

'Is the water cold?'

Crow and fox

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I love this time of year."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

The Algonquin Round Table

Leaving cards.

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Bat out of Hell

"So, what is your star sign?"

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

The Quantum Mechanic...

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Is this your father, little guy? No, lady, my father is a libel attorney, and you'll be hearing from him.