Witty Person Pillows

"Bed Spread"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Bangers and Mash

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'Oh, and one more thing

'He never listened to his mother!'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Male On Sunday

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

Bell Hop

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

'I thought I could dance...'

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."

Change Of Heart

Cottage Cheese

Cross Umbrella