Witty Intellectual Pillows

Looking Daggers

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Bed Spread"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'Oh, and one more thing

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Male On Sunday

Bell Hop

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

So I said, If I'm guilty of anything, it's loving you too much. Apparently, that's not what you're supposed to say to a traffic court judge.

Cross Umbrella

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."

Change Of Heart

Cottage Cheese

'Before we get into the scope, the breadth, the gravity and the cost of this mess...pour yourself a drink...'

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'