Witty Businessperson Pillows

'The Dorvil people feel that the merger was a mistake. They want out, they want half the company's assets and they want child support.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Bed Spread"

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Oh, for God's sake. It's just Marketing!"

The Birth of the Pyramid Marketing Sales Scam (circa 4,000 BC)

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, NOW HIRING, 'Okay, you're hired -- now, I want you to forget everything you learned in pre-school.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

"To mom, apple pie, and foreign investors who keep our economy humming."

'You don't understand, Hartwell -- the handshake WAS your Christmas bonus.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

"Hire him, I want to watch his enthusiasm die."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"Oh, come on, you know we should have switched to touch-tone years ago."

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

"Ssssh. . . it's time for his verbal warning."

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'My particular skill set is mismanaging risk. There seems to be a plethora of people with that skill set.'

"Let's talk more about your valuation policy."

'It's not that I don't appreciate the work you do for us, it's just that nobody does.'

"I've built this business up from scratch. . . "

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

Sales Dept. is Out to Hunch

"Alfresco Plumbing & Hardware Supplies"