Witty Juror Gifts

"It would appear that we have a hung jury."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Mom's Mortuary

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

People want as much government as they deserve.

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

Computer questionning a witness.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

'What really hurt was when I had to divest myself of my holdings in the gavel company.'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

GPs press for sick note reform

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'