Joyful Juror Gifts

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy