Juror Gifts

"It's what I do."

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

'Your honor, if hiring a lawyer with a track record as bad as mine doesn't prove my client's insanity, I don't know what does,'

'Has the jury tweeted a verdict?'

'I swear to tell the truth,the whole truth,and nothing but the truth, from my perspective.'

'I don't care what the judge says, I'm not disregarding that last statement'

We also find the defendant's lawyer guilty by association.

"I've always said - juries are impossible to predict."

'This trial will take approximately one week despite the defendant's obvious guilt.'

"Are you all agreed upon this verdict?"

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"8 guilty,3 not guilty and one peperoni pizza with extra cheese"

"Yes, that's him there. The fellow making the finger-across-the-throat gesture."

'My client pleads insanity, Your Honor. He must be insane, he paid me in advance.'

'We've agreed on the verdict, but not on what emoji to add at the end.'

"Ask the judge whether we can find the defendant not guilty and still execute him."

'Bailiff, would you please send a text to, juror #2 and instruct him to put his phone away.'

'The jury find the attorneys guilty of twisting the facts, the witnesses guilty of lying, and you, Your Honor, guilty of snoring.'

'What do you mean, I'm too judgemental?'

"Don't think of it as a conspiracy charge. Think of it as a buddy trial."

"My witness doesn't understand me."

'I like to begin with a joke, so I'm going to give you my opponent's side.'

'Sir, just hand it to the bailiff.'

'Your Honor, we the jury have leapt to a conclusion.'

'I was inclined to sentence you to community service but the community wants you locked up.'

'Yes, your honor, we finally have a unanimous verdict.'

'If the members of the jury would look under their seats, they will all find a lovely gift from my client. . .'

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

"If you grant amnesty to people following their conscience everyone will follow his conscience."

"Allow me to remind you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that according to law, this filthy animal is entitled to the presumption of innocence."

'...Court is in short recess while the replay booth examines the testimony from all angles.'

'Is not the evidence of the accussed, members of the jury, a earrage of evasion and lies Do bears, or do bears not shit, in the woods'

'Since I already know she did it, can I go sit in the lobby and watch TV?'

'Just out of curiosity, do you have a best case scenario?'

'The jury wants to know which is more - bajillion or gazillion?'