Juror Gifts

"It's what I do."

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

'Your honor, if hiring a lawyer with a track record as bad as mine doesn't prove my client's insanity, I don't know what does,'

'Has the jury tweeted a verdict?'

'I swear to tell the truth,the whole truth,and nothing but the truth, from my perspective.'

'I don't care what the judge says, I'm not disregarding that last statement'

We also find the defendant's lawyer guilty by association.

"I've always said - juries are impossible to predict."

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

'This trial will take approximately one week despite the defendant's obvious guilt.'

"Are you all agreed upon this verdict?"

"8 guilty,3 not guilty and one peperoni pizza with extra cheese"

"Yes, that's him there. The fellow making the finger-across-the-throat gesture."

'My client pleads insanity, Your Honor. He must be insane, he paid me in advance.'

'We've agreed on the verdict, but not on what emoji to add at the end.'

'Bailiff, would you please send a text to, juror #2 and instruct him to put his phone away.'

'What do you mean, I'm too judgemental?'

'The jury find the attorneys guilty of twisting the facts, the witnesses guilty of lying, and you, Your Honor, guilty of snoring.'

"Ask the judge whether we can find the defendant not guilty and still execute him."

"My witness doesn't understand me."

'Your Honor, we the jury have leapt to a conclusion.'

'Sir, just hand it to the bailiff.'

'I was inclined to sentence you to community service but the community wants you locked up.'

'I like to begin with a joke, so I'm going to give you my opponent's side.'

"Don't think of it as a conspiracy charge. Think of it as a buddy trial."

'Is not the evidence of the accussed, members of the jury, a earrage of evasion and lies Do bears, or do bears not shit, in the woods'

"Allow me to remind you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that according to law, this filthy animal is entitled to the presumption of innocence."

'...Court is in short recess while the replay booth examines the testimony from all angles.'

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

'Just out of curiosity, do you have a best case scenario?'

'Yes, your honor, we finally have a unanimous verdict.'

'As the trial is not as juicy as we thought it might be, one of our jurors requests permission to knit.'

The Scales of Justice

'If your people attempt another wave, I'll hold you in contempt.'

'Members of the jury, you have heard the evidence.'