Jury Member Gifts

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'I'm screwed.'

'We find the defense and prosecution arguments totally confusing without a doubt.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of cultural relativism.'

'Before we begin, is it all right if I give each of the jury a small gift?.'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Jury of my peers? That's a laugh. How many of you ever kill a guy?'

'It's innocent or guilty. There are no do-overs.'

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"Your Honor, we, the jury, find this one too close to call."

"If she sings it's over."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'We have a problem.'

'Before I read the verdict, I'd like to announce that several of us will be appearing on court TV and we hope you'll watch.'

'Ladies and gentlemen of the press...what is your verdict?'

"Your Honor, we feel the trial failed to deliver on its pretrial publicity."

"Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, the bitter truth...."

A View on Legal Trials of the Period, following the Failure to Convict Abraham Oakey Hall

Maxims for the Bar.

'Good news - we can enter an appeal! I just found out that the judge as well as the jury were vegetarians!'

'Foreman of the jury, have you reached a verdict?' 'Yes - prosecuting counsel is a bit of a hunk!'

'Oh, boy!'

"No, no, I like you. I only meant that we have to make you liable to the jury."

"Bad news. It's a jury of your peers."

'Your honor, I introduce into evidence this banana peel...'

Eleven coffees with donuts; one herb tea and bran muffin.

'The defendant had the motive, he had the opportunity, and let's face it, he's a killer bee.'

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

The Jury Decides.

'May I remind you Ted that as member of the jury a simple 'guilty' or 'not guilty' would suffice.'

'Jury foreman, I'm going to assume that you've reached a verdict.'

'Excuse me, juror #7. Do you mind if we continue?'

'The defendant would have you believe that his actions were not premeditated, but how does he explain this to-do list: buy stamps, get milk, kill neighbor.'