Jury Member Gifts

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'I'm screwed.'

'We find the defense and prosecution arguments totally confusing without a doubt.'

'Before we begin, is it all right if I give each of the jury a small gift?.'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of cultural relativism.'

'Jury of my peers? That's a laugh. How many of you ever kill a guy?'

'It's innocent or guilty. There are no do-overs.'

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"If she sings it's over."

"Your Honor, we, the jury, find this one too close to call."

'Before I read the verdict, I'd like to announce that several of us will be appearing on court TV and we hope you'll watch.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'We have a problem.'

'Ladies and gentlemen of the press...what is your verdict?'

"Your Honor, we feel the trial failed to deliver on its pretrial publicity."

'Oh, boy!'

Maxims for the Bar.

A View on Legal Trials of the Period, following the Failure to Convict Abraham Oakey Hall

'Foreman of the jury, have you reached a verdict?' 'Yes - prosecuting counsel is a bit of a hunk!'

'Good news - we can enter an appeal! I just found out that the judge as well as the jury were vegetarians!'

"Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, the bitter truth...."

Eleven coffees with donuts; one herb tea and bran muffin.

'The defendant had the motive, he had the opportunity, and let's face it, he's a killer bee.'

'Jury foreman, I'm going to assume that you've reached a verdict.'

The Jury Decides.

'The defendant would have you believe that his actions were not premeditated, but how does he explain this to-do list: buy stamps, get milk, kill neighbor.'

'Excuse me, juror #7. Do you mind if we continue?'

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

'Your honor, I introduce into evidence this banana peel...'

"Bad news. It's a jury of your peers."

'May I remind you Ted that as member of the jury a simple 'guilty' or 'not guilty' would suffice.'

"No, no, I like you. I only meant that we have to make you liable to the jury."