Jaywalking Juror Gifts

Skeletons In Kenneth Starr's Closet

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

With Jury Duty for All

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'