Witty Juror Pillows

"It would appear that we have a hung jury."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Mom's Mortuary

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

People want as much government as they deserve.

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

Computer questionning a witness.

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

GPs press for sick note reform

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

'What really hurt was when I had to divest myself of my holdings in the gavel company.'