Witty Gift Seeker Pillows

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'I should have told you about the side effects. Anyway, I think it looks really good small.'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

Santa's Helpers

"Roadkill cookies"

"Pass that."

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

Fish mobsters.

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

Traffic calming ahead.

The Salivation army.

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.