Witty Gift Giver Pillows

"We don't need proof of each delivery."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

"You wouldn't believe how much it costs to feed eight tiny reindeer."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Christmas Presents.

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

How the gift registry should really work

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Bagel problems.

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

House Broken.

Sudoku toilet paper

Fast Food Menus

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

The gift of a family Christmas

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

'The mice gave me this present. Lovely gesture.'

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

Christmas postie!

"How much of a gratuity does Santa usually get?"

"What?! You wanted an Easter egg, and this is one!"

Jill and Ted fought to the point of complete exhaustion over the placement of, ironically, a wedding gift.

A panhandler with a sign that reads "If not me, who? If not now, when?"

She collected ceramic pigs. Only one so far, but even that was one too many.