Funny Gift Giver Pillows

'Next Grandparent's day I'll buy you a tie instead of stealing an RV.'

"Earbuds are tiny headphones."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Beach con-man.

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"It is my place!"

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

Bagel problems.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Shop for cats

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

WC problem.

"... Er, Houston... It would appear that there is life on Mars, after all!"

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"This locket contains my very first username and password."