Funny Gift Giver Pillows

'Next Grandparent's day I'll buy you a tie instead of stealing an RV.'

"Earbuds are tiny headphones."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Beach con-man.

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Christmas Presents.

"It is my place!"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

WC problem.

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Bagel problems.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Shop for cats

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'