Gift Giver With A Quirky Twist Pillows

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

WC problem.

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'