Unconventional Gift-giver Pillows

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Please enter your pin now.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

WC problem.

"This locket contains my very first username and password."

Knowing that Roger loathed the new cat, Janelle tried to win him over by knitting him a pair of boxers made out of fur balls.