Gift Givers With A Twist Pillows

"Christ on a bike. Again. Again with the electric shaver."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Easter Island Cheeseheads

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

How Amazon was invented

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

A baby using a heavy duty drill

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Tipping Pain Chart

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

It's the thought that counts!

The Doll's afternoon tea party had taken an unexpected ad dramatic turn.

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

'Joey, I know how fast you are, but this guy's a special problem.'

'Forget those itch creams, do what I do, just put your butt down on the carpet and scoot around the room.'

"Don't look him in the mouth! Don't look him in the mouuuthhh!!"

Cannibal Moms : "Remember kids, no dessert until you eat all or your vegetarian!"

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Pavlov's Dog at Christmas time...

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

An Anarchist's Christmas

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

"...Well, where was he when I needed the red Power Ranger?"

'Uh oh! Santa brought the kids a pet cat!'