Whimsical Gift Giver Pillows

Christmas Presents.

"What?! You wanted an Easter egg, and this is one!"

'The mice gave me this present. Lovely gesture.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

WC problem.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Shop for cats

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Bagel problems.

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Survival kit

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"