Whimsical Gift Giver Pillows

Christmas Presents.

"What?! You wanted an Easter egg, and this is one!"

'The mice gave me this present. Lovely gesture.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Shouldn't have, you really."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

Bagel problems.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Shop for cats

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

"... Er, Houston... It would appear that there is life on Mars, after all!"

WC problem.

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Survival kit