Witty Gift Fan Pillows

Sudoku toilet paper

"How can you be out of wings?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

I love Museum Shops

"Whose the new guy?"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

Loopholes

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

House Broken.

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"Okay, hold really still..."

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

Nail Bar

Sheet Music

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

Every Easter the chickens would play the same old joke on Farmer Brown

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."