Witty Gift Fan Pillows

Sudoku toilet paper

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

"Whose the new guy?"

I love Museum Shops

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

Loopholes

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

House Broken.

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

Sheet Music

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

"Okay, hold really still..."

Every Easter the chickens would play the same old joke on Farmer Brown

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

Nail Bar

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."