Witty Debaters Gifts

Birth Control Methods...Or have Rush Limbaugh or a man like him as your guyfriend!

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Do you think that's wise?'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Changing Minds

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"Jersey Tomatoes" vs. "Jersey toMAHtoes"

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

Prisoner speech

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

The controversy of ROW VS WAIT: 'Row, to find fish!'

"Why is it that yours are 'Aha!' moments, but mine are always 'No duh?'"

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

Two hearts arguing.

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is The Children v. Mommy. The Supreme Court, Juvenile Division.

"But Miss, Thursday can come before Wednesday - look in any dictionary!"

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

"Oh. . . and this one, Jerimiah 19.9 'And I will make them eat the flesh or their sons and daughters'."

'That was a long winded conversation...I thought he'd never stop listening.'

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"Why not use thoughts and prayers to stop abortions? That's what you've been using to stop school shootings."