Witty Debater Gifts

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

Crow and fox

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"Jersey Tomatoes" vs. "Jersey toMAHtoes"

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Bat out of Hell

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

Prisoner speech

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'