Witty Debater Pillows

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Do you think that's wise?'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Jokes machine.

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Jersey Tomatoes" vs. "Jersey toMAHtoes"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Bat out of Hell

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Prisoner speech

"Try the fish. It's brain food"