Clever Debaters Pillows

"But Miss, Thursday can come before Wednesday - look in any dictionary!"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Do you think that's wise?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Changing Minds

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Science Snobs

"Jersey Tomatoes" vs. "Jersey toMAHtoes"

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

Prisoner speech

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

Big people always make a mess of things phobia: 'Let's play grownups. You'll be for busing and I'll be against it.'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

The controversy of ROW VS WAIT: 'Row, to find fish!'

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

"Why is it that yours are 'Aha!' moments, but mine are always 'No duh?'"

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

You! Are thick magazine.

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is The Children v. Mommy. The Supreme Court, Juvenile Division.

"The world needs revolutionaries...people who challenge the system, who question authority, who aren't afraid to say, 'I won't take anymore!'"

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

"Oh. . . and this one, Jerimiah 19.9 'And I will make them eat the flesh or their sons and daughters'."

Two hearts arguing.

'That was a long winded conversation...I thought he'd never stop listening.'

Brain vs heart

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"Why not use thoughts and prayers to stop abortions? That's what you've been using to stop school shootings."

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"?

'So you're the boy who wants to be a chugger.'