Clever Commentators Pillows

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

The national cartoonists' speech-bubble strike enters its 2nd week...

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

People want as much government as they deserve.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'

GPs press for sick note reform

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

"But Miss, Thursday can come before Wednesday - look in any dictionary!"

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

'I'm just reaching my sexual innuendo peak.'

Superiority of Cats.

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"All this fuss about same sex marriage, I've been having the same sex with my husband for the last 27 years."

'Showed me up you did, the only one politely applauding and wearing a tie!'

How come you never know a famous artist until he's dead?

'I'm sure there's a place for humor in this world, but I've never discovered where that is.'