Witty Commenter Gifts

"Thank you for the drink, but, no, you may not have my 'e mail' address."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

The Snarky District

Trump leaving

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"Inactivists"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Paper Boy

Heart To Heart

'This is a no rise office.'

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

People want as much government as they deserve.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"Is it a witty and insightful exploration of the zeitgeist of 'boundaries' or is it in fact, the way out?"

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'