Wit Wizard Gifts

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Miss America IQ Pageant

Flat Foot

Supernan.

"I'd like a word with your gag writer."

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing."

"She can be outspoken."

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

Burning Question

'Always the wise guy.'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Stand Up Chameleon

'Do Not Feed The Bares'

'What children live in the sea?'

'That's handy since your car has a wet bar.'

Book of Snappy Comebacks.

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."

That remark cuts me deeply, Gloria. If I may paraphrase Shakespeare, "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" If I my paraphrase Jack the Ripper …

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Profit

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Backfire

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.