Wisdom Wizard Gifts

'Your eyesight is only 20/400, but your insight is fantastic!'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Profit

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

The Family Joules: Part 21

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Miss America IQ Pageant

"It's a play on words."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'