Workplace Wit Wizard Gifts

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We only got six days of funding."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Miss America IQ Pageant

How are you at decision making?

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Lovely dovetail."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

Desk trays - 'In', 'Out', and 'It depends'.

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

In - Out - Pending.

Stationery Shop

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'