Will Wizard Gifts

'He kept changing his will. In the end, it all went to legal fees.'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

Miss America IQ Pageant

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

'See how the fools flee when fantasy role-play is fantasy no longer!'

D.I.Y

"So long, boys. I'm off to the big city to try my hand at chainsaw sculpture."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

Texturing the Walls

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

"Victims of out-sorcery."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

"Of course, it's MY hair - I've still got the receipt!"

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Best Special Effects Award

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

"Oh well, I'm off the see the orthopedist."

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

'Always the wise guy.'

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"