Wit Wizards Gifts

You'll never get anywhere as a sculptor, Ernie, until you learn to let the chips fall where they may.

On second thought, your honor

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

Doggone

Miss America IQ Pageant

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Puss in cement boots"

Czarcasm

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

'See how the fools flee when fantasy role-play is fantasy no longer!'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Shakespeare Quote

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

Yakety-Yak

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

Richard the Turd

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

'How many words per minute do you type?'

I just trained with my two sparring partners over there. A "boxed set"!