Wit Aficionados Gifts

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A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Czarcasm

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'Who's the new guy?'

Loopholes

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

"Can't fool me, Jake, there's a coach comin' in!"

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Geekasaurus.