Wit Appreciators Gifts

'I'd have done better on the intelligence test, but it was biased toward intelligent people.'

"I've stopped thinking outside the box. Now I color outside the lines."

'Mensa smoking club'

"You're hogging all the bandwidth."

Francis P. Weston 1935-2001: I'm fine, thanks. How are you?

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

Cat Burglar

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

Generic Store: Sign in Window

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

Voltaire

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

"Think nothing of it, Llewellyn. In every large organisation there are leeks."

Oscar Wilde

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"You make a great point."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)