Wit Lovers Gifts

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Most people mellow with age. So what's your problem? -Baldwood. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. I'll handle this one. She has mellowed. You

He wouldn't be up there is he had just kept his mouth shut.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Cat Burglar

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Generic Store: Sign in Window

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

Voltaire

Loopholes

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

Oscar Wilde

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

"You make a great point."

The People versus McGinley gets acrimonious.

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'