Witty Banter Aficionados Gifts

'I always say, when the day gives you lemons, make a lemon drop shot.'

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Touché"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

A lesson in wit

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"