Witty Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'

I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. Whatever, dork-boy. Tap tap tap tap tap. You're no longer the world's first successfully-bred human-wildebeest hybrid. It turns out you had an undetected genetic mutation that led to extreme, continuous belching. I'm afraid you didn't make it. You and I are about to have a lot in common.

Fireside Chat with: Recession Man! (A superhero who comes to the aid of gals distressed by tough economic times). It's the middle of summer, Recession Man. So. R. Why are we having a fireside chat? Shouldn't we be somewhere cooler? The dancing flames pick up the light in your eyes. But I'm hot. It's hot in here. Take off your outer layer. Tomorrow: Recession man saves the day.

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'You see, the difference between you and me is I'm a social drinker and you're an idiot!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"Touché"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Cold caller.

The Gilmore Girls

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Art of Bantering!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Heart To Heart