Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

'...Brad says he stuck a dime up his nose when he was 3 and he's betting us $50 that it's still in there.'

Ask me a question! I need practice. With what? Across the country, partisan radio hosts have gotten so angry lately. I haven't kept up. I need practice being mean. I'm being outclassed. C'mon people! Sadie needs you. Ask for … her advice. Prepare to get mercilessly ridiculed! Sounds like a blast.

A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

"If you ladies are going to make a sandwich...I'll be the meat!"

"Tongue please."

'I don't mind being turned down for a date, but I hate it when they say I 'missed the cut'.'

"Hey, I dig the creative process. I'm an accountant!"

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

The Art of Bantering!

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!