Brainy Banter Enthusiasts Gifts

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

The Art of Bantering!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

Know-it-alls

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."