Intellectual Banter Enthusiast Gifts

"He's a brilliant man in his field, but has absolutely no small talk."

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

James Joyce.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

A lesson in wit

Layton and Ignatieff: the merger.

The Art of Bantering!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'You're looking well.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."