Intellectual Banter Lover Gifts

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

An Archeologic Dig

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Cold caller.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

A lesson in wit

"Care for an oxymoron?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Art of Bantering!

The Gilmore Girls

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."