Intellectual Banter Lover Gifts

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

Albert Einstein

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Care for an oxymoron?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

A lesson in wit

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Cold caller.

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

The Art of Bantering!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."