Intellectual Banter Lovers Gifts

'And so, you can see from the books behind me that I am not an ignoramus, as some of my political opponents claim.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

An Archeologic Dig

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"