Intellectual Humor Lovers Gifts

'HA! I don't have TIME prior to talk words I've already had on think to... speaking.'

Albert Einstein

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Schrödinger and his cat

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

James Joyce.

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Auguste Comte

'Heidegger-Hi!'

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Raymond Queneau

Layton and Ignatieff: the merger.

'I'm left brained and I needed some right brains.'