Wintertime Chuckler Gifts

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call.'

"Frosty the Repairman"

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Way too much anthropomorphising

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"You have ice water in your veins."

"Oooo. That's cold."

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

Nobody noticed when poor Farmer Jack froze to death in the snow at the front of his farm.

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

Cold Callers!

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

"I'm wearing it wrong?"

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

'You really need to get some balls.'

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

'Honey... The old bag next door said I'm looking fat in white!'

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

Cows looking at an bottom ice sculpture: 'Yep, it's cold alright!'

Tonight's topic: Global warming.

'Let me remind you that in our legal system we're nice until proven naughty.'

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'

Santa delivering newspapers