Christmas Chucklers Gifts

'A tool belt? -- you know I hate gag gifts!'

'Hey, baby-pucker up!...Come over here and give Santa a big ol'smoocheroo!'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

Various Birds of Pray.

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

Of course, then there was Lester, the brown-nosed reindeer.

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

"Seats in all parts!"

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'Okay, cough.'

"The fact is Santa, if that's your real name. You were caught inside the house, with a sack full of valuables."

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

No Yule Turn.

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

'Let me remind you that in our legal system we're nice until proven naughty.'

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'

"Look. Jesus healed my severed leg."

Santa delivering newspapers

'This is the part of the job I hate.'