Festive Chuckler Gifts

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

Santa on 'I speak your weight' machine. Machine says 'Ho,ho,ho.'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

"I'm installing a backup camera. I'm tired of you sending me out to repair all the chimneys you back into."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

'I get that reaction a lot.'

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"The cookies are always stale."

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Various Birds of Pray.

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

Vaccine Reindeer

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"Why are we following traffic lights? Rudolph got the corona Virus."

"Mom! Is Santa's Naughty or Nice list in effect over summer vacation?"

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

"I'm afraid this year due to the threat of terrorist attacks...customs controls...parking restrictions...I have decided to outsource the Christmas operation to Ebay and Amazon."

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

"I set up the sensors. He sees you when you're sleeping."