Festive Chuckler Pillows

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

Santa on 'I speak your weight' machine. Machine says 'Ho,ho,ho.'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

"I'm installing a backup camera. I'm tired of you sending me out to repair all the chimneys you back into."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

'I get that reaction a lot.'

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

"The cookies are always stale."

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

Various Birds of Pray.

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

"Why are we following traffic lights? Rudolph got the corona Virus."

Vaccine Reindeer

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

"Mom! Is Santa's Naughty or Nice list in effect over summer vacation?"

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

"I set up the sensors. He sees you when you're sleeping."

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.