Wintertime Chuckler Pillows

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call.'

"Frosty the Repairman"

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Way too much anthropomorphising

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"You have ice water in your veins."

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"Oooo. That's cold."

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

Nobody noticed when poor Farmer Jack froze to death in the snow at the front of his farm.

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"Is it me or does this taste like boogers?"

Cold Callers!

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

"I'm wearing it wrong?"

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

'Okay, cough.'

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

'You really need to get some balls.'

'Honey... The old bag next door said I'm looking fat in white!'

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

Tonight's topic: Global warming.

Cows looking at an bottom ice sculpture: 'Yep, it's cold alright!'

'Let me remind you that in our legal system we're nice until proven naughty.'

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'