Christmas Chuckle Champion Gifts

Bah Humbug!

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'It's not global warming. It's 'Hot Flashes'.'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

'And what can you bring to the party?'

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

Santa's Nightmares

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

'Looks like Santa left something for everyone.'

'Dang, we lost another one...maybe this whole laughter thing is a crock.'

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

'You know you haven't been good, and I know you haven't been good, but good, nevertheless, is your public stance.'

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

'I think he's perfect for 'The Morale Committee'.'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'