Championship Chuckler Gifts

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'It's not global warming. It's 'Hot Flashes'.'

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'And what can you bring to the party?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Keyboard in Heaven

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

'Dang, we lost another one...maybe this whole laughter thing is a crock.'

"Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy...diminish pain and protect you from the damaging effects of stress!"

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

Deer Hunting Season Ends Noon Today - 'You'd swear they know what time it is.'

Supersonic comic: 'A funny thing happened on the way here...'

'Man! He got it again!'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

'Well, Phil, now do you know what recoil means?'

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

"A mighty fine cabernet, Zeke!"

"Doctor! My husband says he thinks my funny bone is broken. Do I need to have it plastered?"

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

What your acoustic guitar says about you

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'