Wine Wit Gifts

'I'm not hung-over, I've got wine flu."

Doctor to patient: 'Alcohol is fine, as long as you don't apply it internally.'

'An amusingly frivolous wee wine with just a hint of irony.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'What goes with burnt toast and watery eggs?'

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

Winery employees must wash feet after rest room use.

Wordplay: Import.

'The divorce went badly, she got 60% of my facebook friends.'

"Looks like Grandpa filled the goldfish bowl with Mom's pinot grigio again."

Drinking Problem.

"What would you serve with toast?"

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"Can you recommend a wine that would serve as a good conversation inhibitor?"

In the Guru District

The Vineyard

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Sauvignon Bonk

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Snowprov

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Bacchus.

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"